Ellen: You set standards that no family activity can live up to.
Clark: When have I ever done that?
Ellen: Parties, weddings, anniversaries, funerals, holidays, vacations, graduations...
Well, it's that time of year again. Christmas—time to put up the tree, decorate the mantle, hang the mistletoe, and spike the eggnog. Families everywhere are preparing for the holiday, and kids everywhere are making out their gift lists.
Though Christmas is truly the “most wonderful time of the year,” it can also be the most stressful. Families scurry around trying to make sure everything is perfect for their holidays; most people plan parties and invite friends and family over to help celebrate the season. Hostesses frantically decorate, make lists and go shopping, trying to make sure everything is perfect for company, probably envisioning the upcoming parties and get-togethers in all of their Christmas glory. Most of these visions resemble a Thomas Kinkade painting or a Hallmark movie special…loving families gathered around beautiful trees while singing Christmas carols in unison and exchanging thoughtful gifts. Sounds perfect, huh? Almost too good to be true, right? Right.
Here's the problem: while most of us are dreaming of a Norman Rockwell Christmas, we're more likely to actually experience a National Lampoon-type of Christmas. Sometimes we set our Christmas expectations too high to be realistic. Someone always melts down in a way that is never portrayed in a Lifetime holiday special. This is especially true in my family’s case.
Along with our Martha Stewart hopes for the holidays, Christmas also comes with tradition. Every family has their own—some small, some crazy and some just plain fun. In my family, we have a few festive traditions. I always kick off the Christmas season watching the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day parade. My husband and I always put our tree up together while listening to Christmas music (unless Florida State is playing); we eat party and finger foods instead of a traditional chicken and dressing dinner for Christmas at my parent’s house. My entire immediate family always opens presents together, making sure each person unwraps his or her gift while everyone watches, which takes hours, and we buy new Christmas pajamas to wear at mom and dad’s for our family Christmas.
Another tradition is watching Nation Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation, which we quote endlessly all season. This brings me back to my earlier point about Christmas expectations. This is an absolute Christmas classic. If you haven’t seen it, well, I'm questioning your Christmas dedication. It's not Christmas until you've watched Christmas Vacation. It's not only hilarious, but also rather reassuring. It reminds me every year that my upcoming Christmas season won't be a Norman Rockwell-, but rather a Clark Griswold-holiday. Things won't go as planned—family members will fight, electronics will break, meltdowns will ensue. It's just a fact in my family tradition. One I wouldn’t change (I don’t think).
In fact, Clark Griswold’s family in general is pretty similar to the mine. This past summer, we experienced a vacation very similar to National Lampoon’s Summer Vacation in Panama City, complete with hurt fingers, public meltdowns, spilled drinks, puking babies and broken electronics. Christmas will be the same and I love it.Clark: We're kicking off our fun old fashion family Christmas by heading out into the country in the old front-wheel drive sleigh to embrace the frosty majesty of the winter landscape and select that most important of Christmas symbols.
Audrey: We're not coming all the way out here just to get one of those stupid ties with Santa Clauses on it, are we?
Clark: No, I have one of those at home.
Don’t you just love all the preparation it takes to get ready for Christmas? It sounds wonderful on paper or as a Facebook status: putting my tree up with the family then going shopping all afternoon for gifts! But is it ever that fun? Doesn’t someone always end up mad or miserable before it's all finished?
As I put up our tree, which is fake because I am too lazy to buy a real one and put lights on it myself, I always think about how much I'm dreading having to clean it all up. So for 25-ish days I enjoy the beautiful decorations while secretly marking the days off in my head to when I have to devote an entire afternoon to cleaning up the mess. This is where the Griswold family makes me feel better. Every time I watch their house get destroyed throughout the course of the movie, I always feel slightly better about my mess.
For my parents it's even worse. They've always decorated to the extreme. I can hear my Aunt Scarlett making fun of them as I think about it. Don’t get me wrong, I love going to their “Christmas village” every year, but it literally takes them two to three days to put it out and clean it up, during which my dad always proclaims that "next year they will cut back" (something they are not known for). And wrapping gifts at their house could rival a department store. They love giving gifts and turn the balcony into a gift wrapping center ever year. This I don’t mind, because it usually means I don’t have to buy my own wrapping supplies. I just shop around in their supplies (something that I must admit, I do with groceries, too!) Needless to say, Christmas preparations can be a hassle, but in the end are totally worth it.
Clark: Since this is Aunt Bethany's 80th Christmas, I think she should lead us in the saying of Grace.
Aunt Bethany: [turns to Lewis] What, dear?
Nora Griswold: Grace!
Aunt Bethany: Grace? She passed away thirty years ago.
Uncle Lewis: They want you to say Grace.
[Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
[Bethany shakes her head in confusion]
Uncle Lewis: The BLESSING!
Aunt Bethany: [they all pose for prayer] I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands/ One nation, under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
Clark: Amen.
This may be one of the funniest scenes from this movie. In my head I can picture it perfectly, as well as my sister-in-law, Nikki, and myself giggling while bantering these lines back and forth during what is a common occurrence in our house known as “Bugs Bunny” moments. These confusing conversations usually take place between my mom and dad, and you may laugh for hours if you ever get the chance to hear one.
Ellen: Oh Aunt Bethany, you shouldn't have done that.
Aunt Bethany: Oh dear, did I break wind?
Uncle Lewis: Jesus, did the room clear out, Bethany? Hell no, she means presents. You shouldn't have brought presents.
Don’t we all have an Aunt Bethany-like family member who gives crazy gifts no one ever likes? When I was younger, it was my grandmother Christine. She is an amazing woman—strong, smart, independent and driven. But gift buying was never her strong suit and she was known for giving us quirky gifts. She once gave my mom a floor length electric purple puffy coat. Another year she gave her a sweater with the wrong initials on it. I received my fair share of wacky gifts, too, most memorably was the pouty baby meant to stand in a corner (I am not sure why) wearing a ski mask (I was 18). That was the same year my mom got a toilet shaped toilet paper holder. She bought me a baby swing for my son Ryder when he was born. She told me it was in great condition... it just didn’t swing.
In recent years Grandmother Christine has actually improved and just started giving money for all special occasions, including Christmas. I have to say, though, I kind of miss the giggles and laughs I felt when I looked at my always-interesting gifts. Last year I took a page out of her book and got her a case of mason jars for Christmas. I honestly think it was her favorite gift she received.
Clark: Where do you think you're going? Nobody's leaving. Nobody's walking out on this fun, old-fashioned family Christmas. No, no. We're all in this together. This is a full-blown, four-alarm holiday emergency here. We're gonna press on, and we're gonna have the hap, hap, happiest Christmas since Bing Crosby tap-danced with Danny fucking Kaye. And when Santa squeezes his fat white ass down that chimney tonight, he's gonna find the jolliest bunch of assholes this side of the nuthouse.
And finally, no Christmas is complete without a family meltdown. Most memorable was what we now refer to as Christmas Gate '08. This happens because we all set our standards for what we want out of our Christmas too high. We think everyone is going to act a certain way, children included, and then get mad when things go awry, which they always do.
'08 was possibly the worst of these meltdowns. That year Ryder was five months old, my nephews Greyson and Jake were four months and barely a year, respectively. My dad Mike, who often has what we call Mike-Meltdowns, wanted everything to be perfect. One thing you have to know about him is that he is my hero and favorite man in the entire world; I have been told I am a lot like him, temper included. He wants everything in our family to always go picture perfect and will break his back to try and ensure it happens the way he hopes for. Somehow though, to his great dismay, things always go slightly off course.
At this particular Christmas, Dad wanted the boys to wear the identical Santa outfits he bought them and he wanted them to pose on the couch for a photo shoot. This did not happen. All three babies were in various stages of meltdown throughout the night, which led to high tensions and sensitive nerves. Before it was all over, Dad was mad and refused to take anymore pictures, my brother Chris’s gruffness made his wife Nikki stop speaking to him, my other brother Brad stubbornly refused to film and everyone ended up basically in a crappy mood (except my husband Shaun who never stopped filming).
In the end, we all learned a lesson about holiday stress and expectations, which we still occasionally need reminded of, and we had to all apologize to each other and get together a night or two later for a Christmas redo. Although we still laugh about that Christmas, I honestly think it's normal. I always jokingly say “it isn’t Christmas until someone is mad.” It is just unavoidable when that many people get together during an albeit fun, but undeniably stressful time of the year. The Griswolds remind me every year how normal Christmas meltdowns are.
I cannot relay enough how much I love National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation. It is in a league of its own with unforgettable characters, too many great one liners to even name and a realistic view of Christmas get-togethers. All in all, it just might be the perfect Christmas movie.
2 comments:
Wow!!! awesome tips. Thanks for sharing this.
Once i was more youthful, it was the grandmother Christine. She is an incredible woman-strong, intelligent, independent as well as driven. However gift purchasing was in no way her powerful suit as well as she had been known for providing us nice gifts.
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