Today marks two months since Megan's death. Ironically, I spent the morning looking back through old photos and blog entries before realizing that today was the 2nd.
Shannon still knows her, which shocks me. The last time she saw Megan was at Relay For Life but whenever she sees a picture she cries out "Meg-meg" in delight! She is also quick to tell you who gave her the teddy bear (Meg-meg) and her Buster dog (Meg-meg). I guess it just shows how special Megan was to her.
Another surprise: We talk about Megan. We all do. A lot. After Sharon's death it was so difficult to talk about her without getting emotional, but I share so much now about Megan and Sharon in everyday conversation. My mom still has Megan as her voicemail, too, so everytime I dial my mom's cell I get to hear her sweet voice.
Part of me is still in denial... I know this. There were plenty of weeks when I'd go without seeing Megan, and I think my brain has tricked my heart into feeling as though I simply "haven't seen her." Another part knows that a lot of grieving was done before her death. Still... sometimes the lack of tears surprises me.
And at other times... like now... when they come unexpectedly... the grief overwhelms me.
I ache for the girl she was and the woman she could have been.
Some days are worse than others, a universal principle. Since I can't find a way to end this post on a positive note, I'll let someone else do it for me.
Say not in grief that she is no more
but say in thankfulness that she was
A death is not the extinguishing of a light,
but the putting out of the lamp
because the dawn has come.
- Rabindranath Tagore
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